The importance of art

I was just remembering the effect one song had on me when I was a teenager and I recall the situation very precisely:

I was going to shower and I had my music playing on the computer that I had downloaded and hadn't listened to yet. The player was on shuffle and then I hear this one piece of music coming from the other room and I was really confused because I had never heard it before but still it was like it had been my favourite song forever and I had heard it many times. It was like that piece of music just needed to exist and without it there would be something lacking in the whole existence and from my being.

I know all of this sounds silly but at the time that was how I felt and I remember what a powerful effect some music has had on me, like a best friend who truly understands me better than anyone ever could anywhere on a level that's totally beyond explanation, like there could never be anything quite as intimate. It felt sometimes like it could express something that I could have never expressed myself.

At best art can be the biggest difference maker in the universe. It can talk to us in ways that bypasses all mind and personality constructs and touches right where nothing else can. Even if someone is deeply traumatised and closed, art can reach in and melt everything away for a time. It can literally change the course of our lives.

I remember how much I had support from music when I was growing up and having difficult time. I used to listen mostly heavy music and there was just something that gave me a break of everything so I could enjoy the space within where nothing has ever been touched, where there is no burdens or chains.

I'm going to end this time with a statement that I believe strongly to be true:

Humankind would have destroyed themselves and the planet long ago without the existence of art.

Sleepless night of realisation

Last night I couldn't sleep because I had a letter regarding a job offer I received. There was something that was disturbed a bit by it because if I got the job it would have meant a complete change of scenery and circumstances and it would have conflicted what my feeling was for how my life was unfolding. There seemed to be a conflict.

Slowly these kind of "what if.. *fill in the rest*" -thoughts started rising up and they started having a life of their own and something in me believed in these hypothetical constructs and those thoughts started to solidify the idea of personality.. You know, the small "me" living a life and having to deal with all sorts of responsibilities and making decisions which could be wrong and being afraid and imagining how fucked up life could end up as a result.

All of these thoughts started from one job offer that was put in front of me and before I could spell "cat" I had spelled out a whole imaginary life scenario and that bundle of thoughts seemed to mean something at the moment.

Then there was an understanding that I don't actually need to resolve anything. I just have to stop believing in the small "me" that has all these thoughts, fears, aspirations and responsibilities and then all the heaviness just drops because it has nobody to entertain, nobody to audition to. It has never been a matter of resolving any of these situations but just a matter of clear perspective.

After this realisation there was a relaxation and lightness that had nothing to do with the personality. All of these thoughts just became irrelevant. Just now I called to ask for the job and it turned out that the position was filled and all of this was unnecessary to begin with. Now I realise that the only purpose for those thoughts and the heaviness of personality to come was to clarify the difference with the true me and the little personality "me".

At the end of the day it's just a good giggle for the being to see the personal traits trying to take hold and then a return to authentic seeing happens and evaporates all of the worries that for a moment seemed so real and the soul just laughs and says "That was a good one, mind, you almost thought you existed. I also played along a bit for fun to see how deep in silly thoughts I could go before the bubble popped and the attention came back to it's true place. Peace is my nature and here I have never, ever left" The distance from personality to peace is no more than a thought away and even that distance is simply imaginary.

After realising that everything is already perfect there truly is no wrong that can be done and no "bad habits" can make any separation that is needed to overcome. There is nothing that needs to be changed to clear out the path to true self. To believe in that is the same as to validify the existence of the personality just in order to play the game of transcendence.

Now I can do all the things that in the personality would be considered bad habits and realise that even they lose the significance as something that need to be changed. Nothing needs to change in the outer existence at all but yet everything is transformed in the clear seeing and they simply don't have the same effect as before. Sure! Sleep late, drink a lot of coffee, don't exercise! It's only an issue for someone but who wants to be someone anyways?

Defining your life for others convenience? What a load of crap!

I've recently paid attention to a tendency in me (and I'm sure I'm not alone in this) to define my life for the convenience of other people.

You know the feeling when you are at a party or a dinner with relatives and someone comes to ask you "so, what do you do?". That's always a tough one because I never really define myself as anything very specific. I have things I enjoy to do but it comes and goes. Then if I don't want to get too existential on their asses I'll answer something that I assume they are really asking like "How can I define you so you won't remain an unsolved and uncomfortable mystery to my obsessive mind" and I answer some random thing that seems easiest depending on how lazy I feel. I now have good answer for most people "I do photography" but especially relatives basically want to know where I get my money so they can assess my life and silently judge me in their heads.

But let's get more on track here..

It seems a typical human being is living solely out of these labels and definitions and they only ask other people what they already assume about them and then they just act like a really bad scientist, gathering evidence and proof for what they already have in mind, profiling for the archives at the back of the mind so whenever they meet that person the case file is pulled out and further investigation can be continued.

We all know that these kinds of conversations feel somehow heavy and maybe even humiliating. Something just feels wrong but it's hard to put the finger on it but it leaves us depleted and uncomfortable.

The reason for this uncomfortable feeling is simply that something in us knows that all of these things are not who we truly are. We tend to just build an image of ourselves to present to others to offer something because most people would be completely at a loss if we don't. We've been silently taught from childhood that it's a bit embarrassing if we don't know what to answer when someone asks us something. Then naturally we learn to hide that embarrassment and just come up with something, to portray ourselves in a light that would build a good case file in this investigators mind.

Have you ever talked to anyone who just listens? They might ask something but it's just something superficial or they might actually be genuinely interested. You have a very light feeling because you feel like they are not interrogating you. They just want to know you and have a connection with you. Afterwards you feel light and nourished because you didn't feel any push on yourself from the other. There was no hidden agenda and you didn't feel like you needed to make yourself into anything.

It's such a clear feeling when there is awareness in it. We all naturally know who feels light and who feels heavy to interact with but the problem is that usually we are already pushing ourselves and defining ourselves all the time that it's really hard to be sensitive to what feels better or worse on the outside. Once there is a sufficient amount of self-respect then it becomes easier and easier to invite in the right kind of people, situations and energy. It all just responds to what's already going on inside. We can use the outside interactions as a kind of checking point in how drawn are we towards people who judge, define and limit us vs. people who are just there and present and who don't have any particular need to define or even know too much about other people's lives.

I want to pose a question for anyone who reads this:

Where are you with this? Are you constantly defining yourself for others people's convenience and seeking their approval?  Are you trying to help them build a case on you and are you worried about the outcome of it?

You don't have to answer me directly but you can of course message me on fb or leave a comment or something.

Peace out!

The fantasy of "conscious relating" and "awakened man/woman".

Pretext:

So, we meet again. I haven't written in quite some time and I think it's mostly because I find it harder and harder to express myself for I see more wide and into more subtle layers of reality and that makes it difficult to decide what individual subjects to break into pieces. I have to feel into what is truly worth saying and what purpose does it serve.  The movement in my writings is pretty much the same every time: I lure people's attention by addressing and issue and then move beyond it to give a chance for anyone who was attached to that particular issue to also let go of that for a while and let go of that identity. It's basically the same every time, just the subjects vary.

Usually I just grab something that I see is gathering a lot of attention in the world of self-development, some myth about how to become better spiritual person or whatever nonsense and then I just make an inquiry to show that actually there is no separation, no issues, no problems in the bigger picture. I strip down everything that isn't yours and then I leave you there with yourself.

Today I would like to address the ideas of "Conscious Relationship"and "Awakened man/woman". I have noticed a lot of posts in my FB-feed where there is all sorts of descriptions of how an awakened relationship should look like and what awakened man and women will be like and what they want from each other and blablabla.. You get the drift.

I don't even know where to start. I've seen so much of that stuff and I find most of it just bs. There are multitude of articles, courses and workshops on conscious relating, tantra and all of that stuff which is great for those who feel the need to do that and find help in it and those people who are truly into that probably won't get discouraged by what I say and it is not for them and it's not judgement but for some rare being it is time to move beyond that.

I just googled "conscious man" and sure enough I saw an article on "how to attract a conscious man" listing thousand and one attributes on how this perfect spiritual man would look, act, walk and relate and I find it a bit amusing because first of all if someone is conscious they move beyond the definitions of being either gender (even though they might play the role) and secondly he/she probably won't give a fuck about trying to have a "conscious relationship" he/she will just have interest in their being and will act according to that and whatever relating comes up after minding one's own inner being is just like ripples caused by the stone thrown in the pond. You won't see the stone but without it there would be no waves.

There seems to be a kind of spiritual fantasy going on about how that perfect partner would look like and it is not really any different from any old rotten concepts of the night in shiny armour coming to save you like the women have dreamt of for centuries. It creates just another layer of distortion when you bring the same mind in and sugar coat those daydreams with another set of expectations, however beautiful they sound. That distortion is hiding a fact that most people are not ready to take responsibility of their own selves and they need that other half to make it all better. Most of humanity lives like that so it's understandable that these dreams and delusions live on but this is the critical place where the separation is created and the tool for making the separation is expectations. It is a position of power when you make great standards around yourself where the potential partner must reach in order for your acceptance. You place yourself as the judge and attract the kind of people in your life who are willing to play the delirious game to win you over and prove how they are worthy. You see how that doesn't really work out because the truly conscious being is not interested in any of that, only the delusional ones are who are looking outside of themselves as much as you are.

The truth is that conscious man/woman don't really want or need anything from another because they understand that everything they need is already inside of themselves. They might be in a relationship, they might be intimate but it's all just secondary, it is just a side effect, they did not work to better their relationship, they didn't study how to become more conscious lover, no lessons or self-help books led to it. It just happens spontaneously because they are aware and they know that everything they feel right for themselves cannot be wrong for someone else because they understand that consciousness cannot function like that.

So if you need a list to show you what a perfect partner looks like and you read books on soulmates and twin flames then you are simply projecting and you have not known yourself in your inner depth. If you are striving towards developing the perfect relationship there is a chance you are not accepting your partner as they are, nor yourself for that matter, thus the little project of decorating your relationship to look more like your projections doesn't make much of a difference.

There are so many celebrity tips on how to keep the juice and polarity going in the relationship and how to keep the spark in bed but all of them are based on non acceptance. What is wrong with having periods in your relationship where you are not that interested in sex or even don't care much of the company of your partner? I mean, what a relief when you have the time for yourself! I think it's perfectly natural and how are you going to maintain anything consistently in this world of changefulness? It is impossible standards, identity, expectations and looking outside of yourself for fulfilment that causes all the trouble. Otherwise everything is going just fine on it's own accord. I think just more patience and trust is needed in life in general and then life has enough time and space to show how easy it can be.

The bottom line here is that don't go looking on the outside first. You are the number one priority. If you go looking before you have befriended yourself then you will go to absolutely the wrong places at the wrong time and end up with more drama and disappointments than the last time. Just stay here with yourself and forget about the other. I cannot promise that someone comes but you will realise that it doesn't matter and then you are not bound by any dreams anymore. You will not send the kind of energy that invites trouble and then there is a chance of true meeting of two conscious being who paradoxically don't care about the other but end up sharing in a very relaxed and free way.

The need for control in spirituality

I have had a kind of homework lately. I've been more curious about all sorts of spiritual groups and practices. I haven't even needed to really do much but it's more that I've been observing it with more interest lately how people go on with their spiritual paths. It's a big bundle to include all of those different ways. You could go into all sorts directions from very ascetic and puritanical old school disciplines to more intellectual metaphysical studies but the most prevalent theme I find in most of it is control.

I can understand control as a mean because we have all been deeply conditioned into believing our identity as a person and in that deep state of hypnosis one starts to feel the call of freedom for the first time. It's the being whispering from the inside, saying "haven't you been sleeping long enough now, it's time for change". At first of course one doesn't really see it that way. It just starts as a kind of boredom and need for something different. There might be a frustration to the way things have been or maybe a bid dramatic accident that swipes the comfortable old life away. It's the start of the journey. Then at this early stage of feeling the call of freedom one starts to act according to what they know from before, they start to force things to change. Control is basically the main driving factor of humanity and has been so throughout the history and we have all learned this as the basic life skill to have because that's what keeps societies together as they are now. So naturally one has to start from that place. We start with practices where we learn to control our breathing, our body, our thoughts just so that we give the mind something repetitive to do so it's not absolutely all over the place, so that it can be more in the present moment. We learn to discern and not allow our minds to wonder from a mantra or a practice. And up to a point this works wonders. It gives a discipline and trains the mind to behave a certain way in a certain situation so that there is some space to just be. It's a kind of contract with the noisy mind that it can still have it's noise but now there are some boundaries where it has some time off. It gets slowed down so that one can catch up with themselves.

This kind of control serves a purpose up to a point but this control has become more or less the basis and end to itself. Very strict disciplines are practiced in temples, ashrams and monasteries and control has been on the main seat of all the religions because that's still what we respond best as unconscious mass. We take comfort in the safety and familiarity of the disciplines and practices and it is not only in the major religions but also in the world of yoga, meditation, new age and all of the more modern streams of spirituality too. I just saw a post on fb saying how the breath needs to be controlled in order to control the mind and I just felt the question coming "Then who is the one who needs to control the mind by controlling the breath?" and the answer was obvious, it's the personal identity.

That reminded me of another post where there was a whole long list of activities, habits and attributes that were called (and I'm not even making this up) ENEMIES of meditation and that really made me stop and take a closer look in wonder. In one way it is true that some things can be hindrances and distractions to the process of controlling the mind (which apparently is what meditation refers to in this case) but then again we need to take a closer inspection into this issue. When I talk about meditation and what it really is I mean the ultimate awareness in which everything else is perceived so then naturally it raises the question of how small meditation must be if there is something outside of it that can obstruct it. Second question: who is the person who needs to control certain behaviours and urges and sees them as problems and obstacles on the path to meditation.. and how far is meditation from this one. Then when we contemplate this kind of questions there is an immediate seeing that there is something more because something observes all of the previous; the meditator, enemies/obstacles of meditation and meditation (control) itself. We see that all of these things are indeed phenomenons happening inside the space that is actually the self. Our essential awareness.. or meditation. Therefore it leaves the issue of needing to remove anything from the path of meditation redundant and irrelevant because for the true awareness it is of no interest. It is only of interest as much as attention is given to it. It also needs energy to stay alive so it's just a mere concept to be used as a stepping stone.

Spirituality has been known mostly as it's practices and they have been given so much attention because of our deep habit of identifying with our body and personality and need to overcome things. To move step by step closer to perfection but it has been just the human minds own idea of perfection. It has been chasing it's limited version of freedom and because it doesn't know anything else than doing and striving. Some have come to the most simple discovery that it has always been there, they have never been separate from enlightenment, it is their very nature. They have found it difficult to convey this simplicity to the seekers because the seeker is always seeking something, trying to get somewhere and it is not something that can be attained. That's why they have been given disciplines and practices to keep busy with so that they can purify their minds and while they are busy they forget to resist the moment and they allow what is already there.

Now I feel there is starting to be sufficient amount of people who are open to that kind of directness that for them the thousands of years of controlling and forcing is not needed, who are just ripe to let all of that go. Maybe you are one of them since you are reading this.

Why do we follow the news and gossip? The consensus reality explained..

I have been staying with my parents after my rental contract ended. I’m waiting for my travels to begin after the summer of working. I have a lot of time observing what is going on in here. I find it hard to believe my eyes and ears sometimes when I’m around my parents because they remind of a certain way of being that I tend to forget to exist when I’m on my own. It’s the desperate need to make sure to belong in every possible way and it’s something that is so automatic and conforming that there is absolutely no awareness of it’s existence and that’s why it’s even a bit hard to detect yet it’s ever present in every little detail of everyday life.

I walked in to the living room today to hear the new Finnish PM giving a talk and I saw my parents just nailed to their seats and every sense laser-focused on the message, the appearance, the tone, the gestures. It was the most serious moment to hear what he had to say as if there was going to be any surprises. I just find it hard to grasp how important a talk can be that’s content everyone already knew. I see people absolutely addicted to the news. So much so that the same news are being checked many times per day in hopes that nothing important would be missed. I wouldn’t want to spoil the fun and say that nothing new really happens, just the actors and sets change within the same plot. In the bigger picture it all plays just as it does by the laws of nature. I find this kind of need to see “what is going on in the world” interesting because it actually gives out many delusions that are needed to be maintained just to keep one's interest alive for the show.

First of all news are a kind of reality filters chosen by the collective mind, the mass hypnosis that makes us all see in consensus in order to make our experience feel more real. We crave for agreement for what is real because it simply feels too scary and vulnerable to realise that all of this is merely interpretations and best guesses. We seem to think highly of this kind of knowledge. Not knowing about the world affairs or having no opinions on immigration or other current issues is considered ignorance even if adding opinions to the vast sea of opinions just doesn’t make any difference and the current issues are themselves are just based on the principle of what brings out the most emotional reactions which in itself is completely relative to what we hold important at any given moment and what we can relate with. News agencies decide what is new in order to sell their product and causing cheap emotional rollercoaster rides is what people respond to. We think that gathering as much input from the surroundings as possible is the highest kind of wisdom and will ultimately lead to more perfect understanding. Actually the need to collect all this knowledge is just a hollow attempt of the tiny human mind in trying to control and make sense out of this vastness surrounding us. We feel the need to deploy our attention in gathering all the information from the outside mostly so that we can place ourselves correctly in the picture, so that we have meaning, purpose.. that life makes sense and we can keep on doing what we do. There is just one issue with that.. life doesn’t really make sense, we cannot really control or understand it and in trying we are seriously limiting ourselves which naturally causes pain.

News and scientific interest is mostly the male way of keeping one connected to the mass mass consensus but more feminine way of doing it is more in the everyday life.. what the neighbours are up to? who has lost weight and which celebrity wore which dress and did it make her look fat? In this case the news is replaced with gossips. There is a need to know every single detail of how other people are living their everyday life even if the actual use for knowing what someone's cousin is doing for a living remains a mystery. Maybe it just gives a sense of social coordination and where to belong in the more pragmatic way so that the network of people and their hierarchies keeps safe and predictable. Whether it's the more masculine big lines or feminine small details doesn't matter. The tendency is exactly the same.

Actually this holding on to the common world view is a great imprisonment because one has to define oneself into a a tight compartment in order to maintain this point of view. If there is something that doesn’t fit into the picture it causes great turmoil because it shakes the very ground that the self-image is built on. So because there is such deep and intimate identification with the picture of who we are related into how we perceive our surroundings and what beliefs we hold it is so devastating to stop having the kind of input that we are accustomed to. That’s why it would be an absolute shock for example to drop someone from a very closed community into a culture with completely different set of principles and beliefs. Imagine getting someone from West Borough Baptist movement and suddenly planting them in a place like Christiania in Denmark. They just couldn’t handle it because they are used to a certain kind of constant input of information and values. They would simply have a breakdown. 

It’s easy to laugh at the whole idea but the truth is that the same situation is with the whole world with varying degrees and we all have our own cultural operating systems that need constant update in order to work. That’s the main reason to all the wars when you strip it down to the core. It's the reason for us having opposing sides on politics and simply not being able to agree on anything. It’s all about different operating systems causing shocks to each others which are handled usually with such and sophisticated tool as dualism and blaming. It’s all about who’s right and who is wrong. Who is justified in having their operating systems and why they should not be questioned. We love to keep in our little wombs of culture, our familiar little sufferings. We don’t like the growing pains that are necessary in order for maturity to happen.

The holding on to the one world view and defending it also means a submission and fear of authorities. It's the kind of thinking that because someone holds a position means that they are more wise and understand things better and their voice and reasoning becomes the only truth. They are given the role of the parent who automatically knows better and the best thing to do it to conform in every possible way because they must have valid reasons behind everything they do and certainly are not looking world through any distortions, right? They wouldn't have been chosen by ALL those people for no reason other than that their appearance and way of talking just makes people feel a certain soothing way. They just seem the kind of people that fill the characteristics of how a person who knows what they are doing should look and act like so they must, right? We just love to have that safe feeling of everything being wrong and scary in the outside world and having that reassuring parental figure leading us through the darkness because we simply could not rely on our inner wisdom. 

We also need to police each other and make sure that everyone around us is contributing to this nation and community and doesn't cause trouble. We feel bitter if someone is not confined within the beliefs that everyone must suffer for the greater good. It feels bad if others are not suffering alongside us not only because they make us doubt our own choices but they are destroying the foundation of our common wellbeing that is only accomplished if people don't feel well... that makes sense, right? Man, I wish I had a chance to meet someone from another part of the universe and explain this to them. I could become the new big intergalactic comedian making tons of space coins.

What was I talking about?... Oh, right... the sum up..

We live in a misunderstanding that life happens from outside to inside. We think we need to create ourselves, that we are not already there and for the creation of that self-image we need all possible material from the outside to keep the house of cards rising up. Thus we feel the need to accumulate more solid evidence of the reality we believe to be true and convince ourselves by saying "yeah, well everyone else seems to think so too" and then we try to convince all the others that it is so.. you know.. just in case someone forgets to remember. This is how fragile it all is. It's just a matter of constant repeating and reminding that keeps us chasing the outside input in order to paint the picture on the inside. The real wisdom is understanding that it works exactly the opposite. Everything is already there inside and the construction of identity is not needed in life. Everything that needs to happen is already happening perfectly without the need to try to predict and control it. If something needs to happen there will be a sufficient feeling, energy and circumstances for it to happen. When this understanding settles in then the need to gossip, follow news or try to keep up with the latest trends, have more money and stuff becomes uninteresting in itself because the warmth that is emitted from inside and the restful joy of letting the inner guidance do it's work becomes too big to be overshadowed by the constant need for that outside fix. It's a kind of snowball effect that when you trust yourself it just feels better and you become more calm about the outside world and it's movements. It's rewarding unto itself to follow it and it creates and authentic self-respect when you trust your inner being and see how perfectly is functions. Then the interest in how others are leading their lives loses it's significance because the flow of energy has morphed from an endless black hole sucking all the light and energy from it's surroundings into a natural spring that cannot help but overflow and nourish it's surroundings. 

Losing friends? Nothing to worry about. It's just freedom.

While I was recently thinking about contacting one friend I hadn’t seen in a while due to my travels I discovered that we weren’t friends anymore on fb. I felt a bit sad, disappointed and even angry because I knew the reason that breakup had happened. For that we need to go back few months when I posted an article that provoked something in that person and led to an attack on me. Instantly I saw that she was having a fight about something completely different than what my point was. She was having her own fight amongst herself and by noticing that I therefore didn’t want to take any part on this play because I simply had no interest in it. Well, the total sum of it was that I got hours worth of messages trying to basically blame me for whatever she wasn’t able to handle in herself and externalised it on me, the perpetrator. I didn’t even read all the messages and I removed the conversation out of my post because it had no significance or relevance to the subject. I guess that must have made her even more angry.

Then I let it all rest and told that we can try another time when it’s all a bit more calm. I had never had any problem with her before and I had no hard feelings, just a bit reservation due to this yucky situation. Then when I realised that she had removed me from her friends I knew the reason. Our friendship had been based on a very shallow basis. She had a certain image of me and because something I posted on social media made her change her idea of me that was not applicable with her belief systems, wounds and personality and she could not let that karmic game go and take the responsibility that it would have taken for her to remain near me.

These kind of "friends" are there typically for only one thing and that is to play those old karmic games brought about by their old wounds and identifications. They lose interest if you don't want to play along and their last attempt to suck you in is usually the most theatrical and if that doesn't work they are off to get their fix somewhere else.

When I saw all this it was a kind of relieving thing because I realised that when people are connected to you only through certain ideologies and identity then the relationship is always more depleting than fulfilling. True friendship and love really doesn’t care about the outer appearance because someone who can truly love and have authentic friendships doesn’t need anything from the other. It’s not a conditional state. Therefore I saw it as a good thing because untrue friendships are not really worth anything and trying to maintain them makes one twist and turn to keep that certain image to manage the superficial relationship. It is very burdensome business to maintain friendships that are based on ideas instead of relaxed feeling and connection.

I do feel like I have shaken off so many friendships that were not authentic and I hope that it continues even more strongly because the only thing I’ll lose is that which is not authentic in the first place and then there is more space for those to come who are more in tune with me in my authenticity and who do not care about the outer things such as agreeing or disagreeing or heavens forbid, political correctness.

As always everything is well in the end. Let things shake and don’t be afraid to stir things once in a while for that might just be the best way to separate the grains from the chaff. When you move on and pedal your own bike the scenery automatically changes and there is nothing to worry about. You have done nothing wrong and nothing is really lost. Life is taking care that the best and most appropriate people will be there for you and letting go just makes it that much more quick and easy and then you give the other a gift of  the opportunity to choose freedom and also move along or get out because they are not ready for that kind of relating yet.