While I was recently thinking about contacting one friend I hadn’t seen in a while due to my travels I discovered that we weren’t friends anymore on fb. I felt a bit sad, disappointed and even angry because I knew the reason that breakup had happened. For that we need to go back few months when I posted an article that provoked something in that person and led to an attack on me. Instantly I saw that she was having a fight about something completely different than what my point was. She was having her own fight amongst herself and by noticing that I therefore didn’t want to take any part on this play because I simply had no interest in it. Well, the total sum of it was that I got hours worth of messages trying to basically blame me for whatever she wasn’t able to handle in herself and externalised it on me, the perpetrator. I didn’t even read all the messages and I removed the conversation out of my post because it had no significance or relevance to the subject. I guess that must have made her even more angry.
Then I let it all rest and told that we can try another time when it’s all a bit more calm. I had never had any problem with her before and I had no hard feelings, just a bit reservation due to this yucky situation. Then when I realised that she had removed me from her friends I knew the reason. Our friendship had been based on a very shallow basis. She had a certain image of me and because something I posted on social media made her change her idea of me that was not applicable with her belief systems, wounds and personality and she could not let that karmic game go and take the responsibility that it would have taken for her to remain near me.
These kind of "friends" are there typically for only one thing and that is to play those old karmic games brought about by their old wounds and identifications. They lose interest if you don't want to play along and their last attempt to suck you in is usually the most theatrical and if that doesn't work they are off to get their fix somewhere else.
When I saw all this it was a kind of relieving thing because I realised that when people are connected to you only through certain ideologies and identity then the relationship is always more depleting than fulfilling. True friendship and love really doesn’t care about the outer appearance because someone who can truly love and have authentic friendships doesn’t need anything from the other. It’s not a conditional state. Therefore I saw it as a good thing because untrue friendships are not really worth anything and trying to maintain them makes one twist and turn to keep that certain image to manage the superficial relationship. It is very burdensome business to maintain friendships that are based on ideas instead of relaxed feeling and connection.
I do feel like I have shaken off so many friendships that were not authentic and I hope that it continues even more strongly because the only thing I’ll lose is that which is not authentic in the first place and then there is more space for those to come who are more in tune with me in my authenticity and who do not care about the outer things such as agreeing or disagreeing or heavens forbid, political correctness.
As always everything is well in the end. Let things shake and don’t be afraid to stir things once in a while for that might just be the best way to separate the grains from the chaff. When you move on and pedal your own bike the scenery automatically changes and there is nothing to worry about. You have done nothing wrong and nothing is really lost. Life is taking care that the best and most appropriate people will be there for you and letting go just makes it that much more quick and easy and then you give the other a gift of the opportunity to choose freedom and also move along or get out because they are not ready for that kind of relating yet.
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