I have seen more than my share of videos, speeches, articles, blogs, headlines and posts on all the media, especially the social one, that promotes awareness about something particular that’s supposed to be very crucial to know or act upon if believing the people promoting their causes. Now, Don’t get me wrong. For some people with certain passion it is perfectly right to be active about those matters. My intention here is to look into the matter of awareness itself and how we seem to be oblivious to what it really means beyond the notion of it being just part of the phenomenon that it’s highlighting. It's seen as secondary.
I remember once talking to my friend about awareness when I was very fresh in my journey of awakening and had heard about awareness or consciousness and had had my first taste of meditation. My friend asked “Awareness about what?” ..He just couldn’t conceive awareness without an object to perceive and I couldn’t explain it either. To be honest at the time I didn’t know what I was really talking about other than in conceptual level. I bring it up because it touches how we see our existence as humans. Awareness in itself is kind of taken for granted but all the interest is on the WHAT awareness is pointed at, where it’s focused on. We love to have things to put our awareness to but it’s very rare amongst us to really ask and truly see what awareness is in itself. It doesn’t seem to have any value in itself but still without the perceiver, the source of awareness itself there could be nothing to be aware of either, there could be no experience without the experiencer.
Even amongst spiritual people there seems to be a prevailing idea that awareness is something that grows and evolves and then reaches the height when someone feels the suffering of the whole humanity in themselves, feels everyone’s pain, sees auras and senses presence, feels connection to nature. It’s all very good but not the whole picture. You see, this might be the in a way a height of sensitivity and a good experience to feel strongly that we are not indeed some separate island that needs to win at life on the expense of others… But still there is something that is aware even about that and if then too much attention is given to that and assumed that this is the peak of consciousness then it’s a limitation in itself and therefore creates a limited response. We act prematurely before seeing the whole picture.. or in this case eye that perceives the whole picture. This awareness of all that is felt, when given to the mind to interpret, produces the idea that there is so much wrong in the world and too much suffering and that it must be removed just because one feels so strongly into the suffering of others… Most likely even more than the actual people who are seemingly suffering because they don’t match the standards that we have of good life. If someone is very poor for example we think that according to our desires and needs it should not be so. We become the judges of what is acceptable to experience on this planet.
I would say that this is still a distraction from the awareness itself. When the mind wants that something to hold onto it starts magnifying what it perceives for it’s purposes. It looks for evidence of something unfinished and imperfect that it can put it’s passion into to fix it and feel a sense of purpose and logic which doesn’t really exist in the real world. This is fine in itself but when that is released also as the focus goes back to the awareness that perceives even these kind of feelings then we enter into the realm where everything is seen just fine, as it should be. If there is a need to make some change it will happen automatically but it’s not a doing or achievement. I’m not saying that there cannot be hard work and passion involved in it but there is no obsessive focus on how to make the world a better place or fix things. There is a very relaxed and trusting attitude for everything working out just fine on it’s own and that when an action is needed it will come and therefore be right. There is real compassion in seeing that this seeming suffering that people are going through is exactly what they need to experience at the time and they will find their way when they want it desperately enough, until something in them is finished with the identity and limitation that creates the suffering. We cannot know. We just can follow what feels right thing to do without reference to the past.
I remember and still sometimes have flashes of feeling inferior to some people who are great healers, psychics or therapists who can be so sensitive and have some very unique talent that I think they must be somehow very special and out of my league, that these people are more aware than me and therefore I need to work more on myself to become more aware. It seems very real and authentic to pursue this extra awareness that I feel separate from. It’s a very subtle trick though; The mind creates a feeling of something missing, something not being here and projects it as an image on the outside to be chased after and worked on. It keeps track on how aware the person is and how close it is to this imagined awareness. How many percentage of enlightenment and how long until the full realisation. This play seems real enough and can make a person run around in circles for eternity. Never being complete, getting closer all the time.. just few more things to heal.. not being quite ready or worth the awareness yet.. Not until I love this person that I hate at the moment, not while I still get angry.. not while there is so much suffering in the world and I can do something to help..
Until..
We raise the question: What is there already that is aware of all of it. Then if we really examine it it becomes obvious that something is aware of the whole play.. the feeling of separation, the getting closer, finding one’s self.. It is all seeing and so it’s all just a play. This is a sudden change of perspective. It’s almost too easy to be true. You are suddenly aware of what was already here. Awareness was, is and has always been. It has never been anything separate and to be achieved. You are it. It is you. Suddenly you realise that the game of seeking was just a fun game happening inside the sought. It was so much fun but maybe something is now starting to feel too small for it. Maybe there is a feeling like trying on an old shoe that you have been wearing for years, even decades. You wondered why your feet have been bleeding sometimes, why there was a sense of unease and pain when you were walking.. and you felt like you need to go to reflexologist. Then you take the shoes off and see that they are actually quite old and dirty. They smell and have been patched up with glue, bubble gum and maybe even duct tape. Once they were so shiny and beautiful but your foot has been growing. You try to fit them on sometimes just to see if they still fit just to realised how uncomfortable it is now. Maybe you realise that you can put on any shoes whenever you wish. You see that when you are at home alone or walking on the beach that you don’t have to even wear shoes at all! You are not afraid of wearing shoes either just because you were stuck with one pair for so long. You can still wear shoes but now you can go to a shoe shop to buy dozen pairs if you wish. Heck! You can even wear wooden shoes or fins for snorkling!
