The observer in the coffeeshop

I like to go around the town sometimes and just wonder around until I find the perfect spot to have a coffee and observe people around. Just observing, without judgement can be very amusing. I also observe how I reflect the contrast between my own inner state to the outside world and the psychic noise of the mass consciousness. I listen to see the contrast from the place where I am just me, unidentified, silent, then outside to my own thoughts and emotions and continuing outward to the energies around, the feelings of other people, the consciousness, the patterns, thoughts and ultimately the behaviours at the most external level.

I notice that I truly enjoy this observing. Not because I'm trying to figure out why people do what they do and what is the story. To be completely honest I don't really care. Somehow this is the most relaxed for me; Being in the crowd, infiltrating, being part of it but yet I know that I truly am not a part of anything and yet at the same time here I am, in the middle of it all and hopefully acting like one of my species. This is a reference point that is hard to have these days because "normal" and "appropriate" has kind of lost it´s meaning in the recent few years. They are like fashion, I don´t really know what is in and what is out now but somehow some kind of bookkeeping is going on in the collective consciousness. I just know that somehow things keep on happening and I respond to each moment differently. There are some helpful conditioned automations I do but the identity of being a personality is slipping away.

Sometimes I feel like I´m going to get caught redhanded for faking to be someone. I have a feeling that some day somebody is going to shout out to me "I know you are not a person! Admit it, you are just playing along, you are not one of us!". I have a genuine feeling to apologize to people I know that "Listen, I´m not really your friend/beloved/son/employee/boss.. I´m just an empty shell moving around in the winds of life and this person you see you also just use it as an interface to reflect yourself. I´m going to disappoint you if you hold any expectations for me because I cannot hold on to those projections even if I wanted." ..and I have tried.

I notice people also in social media. I spend a lot of time somehow connected through the internet to people because I enjoy my privacy and space. I love to be home and connect to other people mostly by messaging on Facebook because it´s easier. People don´t bring in so much of their stories and I like to deal with simple communication, factual and telegraphic communication. I received a call from my mother yesterday who had got all worked up because of some of our client (that had nothing to do with her) had tried to reach and was making her own dramatic interpretation and hastily put together conclusions so instead of hearing just what had actually happened and what they said I received a whole package of her thoughts, emotions and stress attached to it. Then I just simply made it as telegraphic and straight forward as I could and asked the the facts in a little bit rude way and ended the call as quickly as possible. Then when all the download of old programming had seized and I got the necessary information I had such an easy job of actually making the appointments and in half an hour everything was ready with the client with almost no effort at all. Ease and grace in action.

At this point I observed that the teenage girls have arrived to this cafe making the noise (psychic and the actual noise) a little too much for me to keep focused. I will get back later. The sun is shining and I feel it´s the right moment to head out for a walk.