Bali Diaries: Part 2 - Roots of culture

I was going through fb:s group for this local community in here and something in there caught my attention: There was a post where they were discussing about the foreigners who come here to Bali and want to live here permanently and there was a guy who came from the west and explained that it’s very hard to start anything legal here because the systems and laws are so complicated that it’s very hard for an outsider to grasp and then some local persons answer was that if the country and it’s customs do not please then please leave. You can see why the conversation didn’t seem to go anywhere. It seemed to me that that they were talking about completely different things. Other one was talking about many people wanting to stay in Bali and work and start businesses legally but find it too hard and give up eventually after maybe years of trial and error. The local man saw this as an attack against his culture and nation and started defending aggressively saying that those who want to live here must adjust to local society or basically get the fuck out. 

I saw also in some news that there was a situation in Denmark where some extremists were demanding that the local must change their values because they are simply wrong in their point of view.

I don’t want to get involved in any way to the debate of who should change their culture and who just adjust to what because I feel myself a bit of a stranger in any culture including “my own”. Some I can understand more easily than others because of my conditioning but I do not hold so firm belief as somebody coming from any specific culture. My feeling about it is that wherever I find myself in I’m in a way a guest passing through. I find it fun to observe any collective habits that people hold so dear. I mean it’s a wonderful play of diversity and contrast that is not in the end in anyway contradicting any other habits or beliefs that people lead their lives by. 

Now we must dive a little bit under the surface. I recall Terrence McKenna calling culture an operating system, just like in a computer you have a certain operating system that needs an update every now and then to keep up with the new technological inventions and all other variables, and that is what the human operating system truly is. It is a given set of beliefs and values that at the same time help us to operate very effectively in a one-minded state but when taken (as it has been) as an identity it leads into a funny situation that we often do things just because that’s the way it has been before instead of being fresh and seeing what would work the best at these given circumstances. So therefore we will have opposing habitual and unquestioned beliefs coming together where any sort of real meeting is not possible as human beings because we as people fail to see ourselves as anything other than our automatic and very robot-like reactions that are predetermined and coded in our system from very young age. Now being in that very confined space of living like a robot it feels very uncomfortable to have somebody questioning the very foundations on which the identity is built on. It starts shaking like a house of cards and when the ideals start to lose their ground then because the identity is so strong that the person cannot see himself as anything else than that conditioning they will feel as if they personally have been shaken and attacked hence the defence mechanism and closing down instead of embracing the joy of seeing the vastness of expression at display.

All cultural conflict comes from just a simple mistake that human consciousness easily makes. It’s the mistake of “I am this body, I am these thoughts and the emotions. This is my country, these are my people and my family” Instead of just the pure presence of “I am” that is unassociated with any culture or belief system seeing if something is needed but otherwise remaining empty. There is a reason for this clinging to habits. It’s very scary to stand on your own and especially not having the answers as a cane to lean on. You will feel very naked at first and a fear will arise but that is the only way to freedom. One must reclaim their own being back from merely cultural and social pre-determined behaviour. Then there is a more solid ground to stand on when a person starts to see himself as the presence instead of these patterns passed from generation to the next. Then even the culture is not a problem anymore. In fact you can have so much more fun with it because you don’t take it so seriously. You find yourself so free that you can even play along and you’ll start to see the real essence and beauty of the culture you are coming from. It’s not forced on you so you don’t have to belief in it if you don’t want to but you can even have a real pride for coming from certain background for you see the richness that it has brought to your experience. They all have wonderful creativity and beauty that is in tune with the local nature also and could not be possible in any other part of the earth. But still you see without a doubt that this is not all of you, it merely touches the surface of you. You cannot be confined in such a small category as culture and suddenly respectability doesn’t seem so appealing as before. You can go a little crazy and you can even make fun of your culture. It will not be such a big deal anymore and others making fun of your culture don’t look like attacks anymore.

I would never, just for example turn into a Balinese even if I tried my absolute best for the rest of my life to adjust and learn. I would always have my roots in Finland for my body, my nervous system, my mind has been growing in a different atmosphere even though it will adjust in time but I’m still always a guest on this earth and I can respect that any culture and people living in it have their own ways but I’m not so interested in people who carry their culture around as something more than a fun play. It gets too heavy after a while. I always find myself more attracted towards those who have gone beyond that. Who I can truly meet as something more than a product of their heritage and upbringing. Freedom in me greets the freedom in anyone who has got it. I will automatically find it more appealing and I feel more spaciousness and connectedness around those people. People who do not look me just as my appearance as my human self.

Let’s meet as presence.

I’m going to say it.. I usually don’t but…. oh, god.. here it goes:

-Namaste

Bali Diaries: part 1 - Fight within and diseases

I’m here in Bali. Writing this from my balcony by the riverside. It’s a real paradise but I have been feeling quite weak ever since I traveled here. (almost exactly 1 week ago) I seem to have energy only in short periods and after that I get flu-like symptoms and have to rest for most of the day in my air conditioned house. I had a period for about 1 day that I felt I was getting back to normal.. but nope, I’m even more tired now than before. 

I noticed from the period of having my strength back for a while that I felt like I was lost. I felt like I didn’t know what to do and actually I felt a little guilty not doing anything as one “should” do in a place like this.. There is simply so much possibilities. 

I went yesterday to the rice fields for a lunch and stayed in shadow like I have stayed this whole time. I haven’t really been into trying to get tan because I’m in here for almost 3 months so I don’t have any rush to get tanned to get people in Scandinavia envious. In the restaurant I saw a girl traveling clearly for a shorter holiday in Bali. My impression of her was fairly typical tourist impression. She seemed stressed in her appearance and she was fire-department-red for staying too long in the sun and yet she chose the place in the sun in her black top and shorts at the hottest time of the day and ordered a drink with ginger. I thought just “Wow.. that’s something..” She took out both her iPhone and iPad and started taking pictures of the surroundings, the foods and drinks that came to her. (probably face booking them too) It was just very interesting to watch somehow. It seemed like she was out on a power holiday to see and experience everything so at least she has some good stories to tell when she’s not here anymore and a skin cancer to remind her in her old days that she went to places. I imagine her getting a real nice photo-collection and saying to everyone who would ask “You have to experience bali at least once in your life!”. I giggle inside myself a little because I think I have used that phrase on someone and I have traveled also in this manner before.

Now it’s funny to see the contrast between the enthusiasm and sense of adventure that I have had before compared to now when I really just came to live here for a while and enjoy slow pace of life. It’s not just the outer travel that has calmed down recently but also the inner travel is not so extreme and crazy now. The addiction and thrill of energetic/spiritual experiences/knowledge and whatever interesting phenomena I have encountered on my way seems to be becoming more and more secondary. That’s why for me Ubud is the most interesting place to be for me at the moment. I can go to public sauna on the rice fields where all the new-ageys come after their hard day of yoga, crystal awakening ascension workshops or whatever they have. I went to the sauna few days ago and I went quite early so it wasn’t too crowded. It stated very clearly on the door “SILENCE!!!” and It felt such a nice place to be not having to talk to anyone and everyone was silent. Then in comes one yogi -girl who starts chanting very loudly and passionately “OM GAM GANAPATAYE NAMAHA!.” and another girl joins her as I’m going silently “Really? I mean Really?!..” Until a guy comes in very politely saying “Please, this is a silent are, you can sing beautiful songs but please do it outside, it’s a silent area.” Then they eventually stop clearly disappointed and one of the girl answers -Well, doesn’t the music also come from a space of silence” That’s when I felt like I must be in one of J P Sears’ videos and I felt that I could not decide what my reaction could be.. I felt like laughing and crying at the same time but mostly It was the ultimate moment of exhaustive sigh and a facepalm. I Could feel the same feelings of disbelief coming from the guy but he just clearly stated “No, We will not discuss philosophy about it.”

Why I mentioned that it’s probably the most interesting place for me is because I recognise myself in each of these characters and I do have compassion for it. I can see myself few years ago in both inner and outer travellers which doesn’t make a great difference in the end for both are in stress to find something to report and say “I found happiness and fulfilment here, I don’t feel separate anymore, I can finally accept myself”.

I started out talking about my body and how it doesn’t feel fully functional yet. I see that it’s actually very much needed just for myself to have an excuse to be still and relax, not to try to accomplish something. I am, I exist, I am here and now and there is nothing to do, there are no goals unless I choose so. Sometimes I just tend to forget that and start forcing myself and neglecting my true feelings. I’m actually quite content just going out couple of times per day to eat something good or have a nice massage. Yesterday I even got my first facial ever. Life is very simple at the moment and I needed physical weakness to allow myself not to feel bad about not doing much.

-See ya’ll later, Warm greetings from the Tropic.

My terrace -Ubud

Tree branches fighting each other

I was drinking tea in the sofa’s by a big window and just gazing away without really focusing on anything. I was more in a contemplation on the inside than really looking at something but then something catches my eye and I see two branches of the same tree swinging towards and away from each other and it looked a little like they were fighting with each other. Then I realised that this was purely about my own impression about the situation whereas in reality it had nothing to do with fighting. The branches were just swinging around in the wind. And why would the branches of the tree fight each other? They are the same tree. Of course it made no sense whatsoever.

The situation in fact is the same on everything we look at. We look at a couple fighting and we give it a meaning. We box it and wrap it up and move to the next perception and categorise that too. Our mind does that automatically and we take it for granted that the meaning is obvious in things we see. If you have ever experienced these moments of just pure witnessing where you just observe everything without bothering to call it anything. Without trying to find a reason behind it or a relation to something that happened in the past or what could happen next. If you can spare even a minute to leave all that aside and just let your awareness be neutral of everything then even if you look at a couple fighting you will see just the phenomenal expression playing with itself. It’s just energy. Just like the branches of the tree were swinging in the air. Just because.. There is not really any considerable difference. The only difference is who are you watching it as for that is the decisive factor in which way you see everything. That in fact is where you decide if world is a horrible place that needs to be fixed and saved or if everything is just perfect the way it is. Can you unburden yourself of meaning? Because when you give anything your interpretation then you put yourself in a position where something is needed of you and you go on playing the hero while actually being the villain at the same time.

Can you spare just a minute here and there when you leave everything be as it is?
It will be worthwhile. I promise you :)

The anatomy of getting angry

Normally when we feel anger towards someone it feels like the anger is very justified and there is no reason to question it. In the story we have around this feeling it seems like the most logical thing. But when we make this assumption that anger is needed towards someone else we do not see what steps have been taken before this anger happens and why. I would like to slow it down so we can see what believes we need to hold as true in order for this anger to emerge.

Let’s take a tiny everyday example I believe many of you can easily relate to. 

Your significant one says to you “You HAVE got to buy me a christmas present because I’m buying one for you”. Maybe you think “well that feels very demanding and needy” and it leaves a uncomfortable feeling. Feeling like pressure has been put on you by this relatively insignificant thing. You start feeling like you are shrinking and getting in your mind "Now I have to go to the stores in desperate need to find something for him/her" You have no idea what to buy and you stress over it. Then there is anger that the other one would put you into this position that you have to go outside of yourself just to please their expectation.

So in order for you to get angry you need to identify yourself into a powerless position where you have to force your natural openness and flow to suit somebody else’s desires. We have the tendency to do this AUTOMATICALLY so we are never aware how it happens. That’s why we need to slow the time a bit and look at it step by step. When we do this automatic assumption that we are limited to live by somebody else’s expectation we then co-create this energy dynamic where the animal part in the unconscious says “wait a minute.. I’m bound and I want to be free again” and the anger then is the natural reaction to this flight-or-fight -situation where our body prepares to make an attempt to fight for this freedom from captivity. But this is not the jungle so we have learned to act civilised and withhold the anger and try to adjust in different ways like emotional manipulation by for example becoming a victim who says yes and plays along on the surface just to survive but is secretly looking how to exploit this situation and use it in their own advantage. This is what we know as power games and energy feeding. When the attention seems to always be outside of yourself because you are compromising and crippling yourself for someone else then you need to make sure that you are getting more out of this deal than you are putting in. That's how the game perpetuates itself and a lot of suppressed anger is collected that's always looking for it's way out.

Everything described here happens ONLY after the identification as someone who HAS TO do something for another person in order to survive (for the condition of acceptance to be fulfilled). If the identification doesn’t enter then there is no question of needing to buy that christmas present or to do anything else for that matter. If the proposal feels right then it might result in an inspiration to look for a present or maybe not. Maybe the whole thing is forgotten but somehow the present is there just at the right time.. Who knows how it will go.

So anger is energy gathered in the system to destroy the obstacles between you and your freedom so it is one of the most beautiful tools and indicators. It shows you that something is not right. Used well it can completely transform your life. Just remember that it’s never really about the other. It’s always yours and in that recognition your freedom is also.

Why not caring can be the greatest gift to another?

We are taught from early on to take others into account and not hurt one another which is very good thing to teach a child. However we are taught so much to focus on others that we completely lose our sense of self, our most natural state of “I am / I exist” or more accurately it gets distorted to match other people’s expectations of you. The “I am” becomes “I am daughter/husband/veteran/teacher/priest/doctor..” . It is simply never really taught to be selfish in a good way. We all know what the normal definition of selfish is: Someone who is using others to get what they think they need to feel fulfilled. They manipulate and fight for energy in forms like respectability, money, power. We all know this as selfishness so nobody wants to be selfish (or more honestly doesn’t want others to think that they are). 

In fact everybody is selfish but they are completely denying and hiding that they are indeed manipulating other people to make themselves feel better, to fulfil their role, who they think they need to be in order to have love. Their whole focus is completely outside of themselves so they don’t even know any other way to live than to focus on helping and serving others in hopes that maybe some day someone will help and save them. This is the actual dis-ease that the whole humanity thinks the answers are outside of them. Whether in religions, green peace, science, society.. All eyes are fixed on the outside and everybody is sucking each others energy as a result.

I had a wonderful moment couple of days ago when it really crystallised for me and I saw how wonderful it can be when two people are completely selfish. They are completely just in their own energy and when they feel that the other is also just within themselves then there is a tremendous space, freedom and relaxation in the meeting that it can completely change their lives forever. One feels so utterly respected for the other does not expect anything, doesn’t want anything. Both just want to share because that’s what feels the most natural at the moment. Then the whole flow of energy is back to it’s natural state. Everything comes from within and moves outward. Everything you do has your own unique flavour. Before the energy was moving from the outside in but of course it was very limited and tight space to be in so there was not a lot of real power in anything you did. It was all based on misinformed assumptions on how energy works.

This is what true selfishness is. It not focus on the mind and the personality structure but a focus on the sense of “I am”. ONLY from that space can you truly be of ANY real service for another.

When I said that not caring can be the greatest gift to another, this is what I mean. We are no more obsessed about what is going on on the outside of ourselves and therefore the tensions of expectations and fears drop and there is no point to be anywhere than here and now. It is a state of not caring, not minding what happens, just in allowance of what is without any agenda. Everything is just fine as it is.

Funny enough but in this ultimate state of selfishness there is a great love, respect and gratefulness towards the other because you got received as you are and you got to create a beautiful moment together but without needing to compromise yourself in any way, there is no need to move outside but still everything flows to you.

What happens when you look back in time?

Usually we tend to think in terms of linear time but a funny thing happens when you reach a certain point of awakening to your awareness. You look, let’s say, 1-2 years back and you feel into who you were back then and what was going on inside you; what were your beliefs, fears, relationships, how did you feel about your life in general… It may seem like that person is lifetimes away in the past. For myself I can say that this is exactly how I feel about myself 2 years ago. It might as well be 10 000 years ago because the things I’m attracted, the way I see myself, the kinds of people I have around me and the whole perspective has shifted. Then on the other hand you might remember something that happened to you when you were 7 years old and you remember it like it happened just now. Maybe you had a glimpse of the awareness that you have now. But what’s really going on?

We are not actually that linear. We are looking “back” from the current state of consciousness towards some other states or aspects of ourselves that we are used to think as the past but when the awakening process is at the point where the mind seems to be in a chaos and all the old patterns of thinking are shaken up then we begin to see that time is not that straight forward and fixed. 

Consciousness has created time to experience itself “evolving” or rather seeing itself in all the possible states and created a story called lifetime(s) to see itself go through different experiences and reflections of itself (God created human as his own image ..and you are god also).

Another way of putting it is that you have had different frequencies in your life that you have been tuned into very singularly and that frequency has attracted and manifested certain events to take place in your life. Then you move to the next frequency and create a different set of circumstances for yourself. When you take a conscious look into all the frequencies you have been through you realise that just because you have changed the channel doesn’t mean that the channel has stopped the broadcast. It just may feel a little distant for you because you are not so attracted to country music like you once were. You don’t choose it but you realise it’s all there.

All of those parts still exist even if you are not experiencing them in the physical at the moment and if you try and drop the idea of it being in the past then you realise how much layers and dimensions you contain inside and then you can choose what you prefer without ever being stuck in one particular role. Then it becomes much more fun :)

Dimensions within:

We are living in very many levels or dimensions in every moment. We are like onions. Layer after layer of different things to be aware of. What makes it so interesting is that these dimensions are fractal by nature. I will try to explain.

When you are in a certain thought pattern you can also be aware that behind those thoughts you can find certain feelings. If you are able to be aware that they are just thoughts and not get carried away with them you immediately can “go” or rather simply move the point of attention into the feelings behind those thoughts. When your awareness is more in the feelings then the thoughts might continue but you actually start to see that those thoughts are not so important anymore compared to the first stage when you were maybe completely consumed by thought after thought that all seemed like it was the only thing that existed at the time. You can move on on your journey when you become aware of even more subtle phenomenon. Moods. You may notice that you might have had the same kind of mood for some days or some weeks even. Moods seem to have some relevance to things like the weather, the season, the moon, other people and mass consciousness.

You might start to be aware that you have more of certain kind of thoughts during certain times of the year or when the moon is full. This is how we can become aware of our multiple dimensions of existence and see how these inner dimensions and their activities can be followed with awareness from the inside to the very surface. Of course the dimensions then go towards the physical which is the most outer part of us. Those certain thoughts then become actions, words, hormones, chemicals etc.  This is the limit of our inner dimensions and there starts the interaction with the outer reality. From the surface of our being we then take in information trough the senses and carry this information back to the inner layers of our being.

It’s always said in spiritual practices to go inwards and not to stop at any point. Even if the Buddha himself came to your inner world you must cut his head and move on.

This is what this “going inwards” is referring to. When you let yourself become aware of the more subtle dimensions of yourself then eventually you have to become aware that it is your own being, your consciousness that is aware of all of these phenomenas. Then you have arrived to where the awareness is aware of it’s own existence. This is the state of “I am”. Things keep on happening on their own on the outer layers but when this is seen clearly then the awareness cannot identify as thoughts or emotions for very long time anymore. It’s like you have now a teflon surface from where everything eventually slips away. The thoughts and emotions and movements are still going on but there is something that can never completely believe the identification with them. 

Becoming aware of the inner dimensions is really like climbing higher up the mountain to see more of the scenery to be able to make better decisions concerning where to move next and which route to take. Becoming aware of more subtle levels in this fractal -system you are automatically aware of the lower ones. Not that you have to be aware of every little thing that happens in your body or mind but then you go beyond them when you see that everything comes from the inside to the outside and when you are aware of the inner layer the outer will automatically adjust itself accordingly.

This is the natural flow.