Why is communication so difficult?

I’ll probably be the first to say that I’m not a very conversational in my expression. I tend to very selectively participate into any chat. I think the biggest reason is that they tend to be very sticky, once you commit, you are in for it. I’ve noticed that I just tend to run out of interest on any given topic after a short while. The biggest turnoff for me in a conversation is the fact the people love their concepts and ideas, and usually those concepts tend to have no air in them, they are not alive and breathing things that are used as mere stepping stones in attempt to convey something energetic and more subtle behind the words, or come into some harmony with the other.

Another very off putting thing is when conversation is based on trying too hard to know what the other person is ”about”, meaning that when it’s more important to have an idea of what kind of person the other is in order to converse with them, rather than just being open and light. Sometimes I play a little game when someone is doing this to me; I say something a little provoking and jokey that I know might offend the belief system of someone who is humourless or ideologically driven, just in order to have a laugh and if the other person doesn’t see the humour in it, gets very serious about it and puts in the bank as a characteristic of me, my opinion, my world view, I usually just notice it and let them do it. I usually never go and correct the image of me in someone’s head, I will just let them think that way and if that is enough for that person to be turned off, then it’s completely fine. But if they are open enough to trust the energy, the vibration of me instead of the report of the conditioned mind then there is a chance of real conversation or meeting at some point.

Also people seem to love concepts, ideas, ideologies because they are used as platforms for the sense of self, their identities. They bring a sense of knowing, a certainty where to build a false sense of existence, an existence based on the philosophical line of thinking around the phrase ”I think, therefore I am”. In this way of perceiving ones existence one feels a sense of panic when facing the void of not existing if the structures of the mind and identity are not in full gear. This is the most typical way of existing in the world and it’s very heavy to maintain (no wonder people are always tired).

I come more from the way of perceiving where ”I am” as an existential experience is enough unto itself. Therefore there is no need to build that sense of being on top of any wobbly platform that needs constant remembering and intense effort to maintain. It’s much more free and open state where everything that comes after the ”I am” is just a role being played with a playfull grin. From there conversing doesn’t come from a place needing a validation from the outside for the sense of being within me.

Only in this space of not needing something from the other to feel complete there is an ease when those conversations happen. Those moments are golden where the sharing of wisdom and understanding becomes so intense that you notice yourself more of a passenger, a mere listener. It’s the same like any creative situation where something just takes over and beauty and understanding is being manifested into this reality and when you look at it your are surprised yourself, you didn’t believe you had something like that in you. 

This is an authentic sharing. 

Now, there is another type of sharing that really has nothing to do with what I was just talking about, the kind of sharing that comes from a needy, emotional, mindy, dense and personal space of unawareness. Our cultures really appreciate this kind of sharing over others because it seems kind of authentic because there is a lot of drama and emotion in it. It’s the kind of sharing where people tell very seriously a story about their personal journey, their suffering, their struggle, their opinions, their relationships -you get the drift. In this type of sharing, it’s very important that other people keep validating and giving attention to one’s sense of self, that’s why you get more points if you live dramatic, unstable, emotional and thoroughly miserable life. It’s a kind of sharing where you are actually just prostituting yourself to others in the pursuit of attention and energy. That’s what sympathy is in it’s core, energy, power, resentfully given to someone perceived to be in the need of it, but it’s just like trying to help a junkie by giving them cash, you know it’s going to disappear in a blink of an eye and you both end up a little poorer. In this case, though, the one giving the money feels depleted, tired and resentful and the recipient gets just enough feelgood in order to carry on in the same pattern. 

I guess I would say, that real conversation is much more about energy (instead of words and concepts) and feeling (instead of drama and emotions), it’s about real sharing that’s not about trying to get something but witnessing something spontaneous happening. It’s about communion of souls, not meeting of minds and conditions, because those are categorically unable to meet, they are too slow, too stiff, too much in the past and into the future, they are not available for the spontaneous wisdom that we all carry inside of us.

If I meet you in a conversation I always assume and treat you like an adult, someone who has committed themselves to being responsible and if not aware, at least interested and willing to look at your own blind spots. I assume that you are a dignified individual with immense potential for mastery, creativity, wisdom and beauty. I assume that you have a sense of humor and that you can laugh at yourself, that might be the most important, because if you are not able to laugh at your personality, querks, shortcomings, habits, conditionings, then there is no way there is enough space for anything to penetrate beyond dry words and no meeting is possible.

 I do not assume, ever that you are a poor helpless victim, a child who does not have any kind of agency and pushes responsibility of ones own feelings and life on some external scapegoat, like god, angels, the universe, horoscopes, fairy cards, blood type, society, Donald Trump, conspiracies, body types, white privilege, racism, ”the man”, bankers, parents, teachers, priests, the system or any other bullshit. I do not assume that you take everything literally, heavily, mindy and serious and dry. I do not assume that your conditions, traumas, diseases, disabilities are untouchable subjects that shall never be mentioned under any circumstances (only Siths deal in absolutes). I do not assume that you will be interested in personal heavy stories and want me to cater to them or find your personality and identity interesting. I do not assume that you are merely your personality and belief system. 

I always start with these assumptions and I will always treat you according and if you do not agree with that as a premise for meeting then I will walk away and spend more quality time with someone more interesting, myself. If you do not come from that place and you demand to be seen and confirmed in your personality and beliefs, then there is simply no room for a real conversation to happen.

And you know, sometimes there is just no need to talk, sometimes just a look, a nod, an acknowledgement, just sitting in the same room or not even seeing at all, being in a different continent is just enough, there is no social pressure from my side usually for that, all though sometimes I choose to play along.

If you are in the first category or at least feel the want to be in it and I feel it authentically, then I will probably feel interested in talking to you sooner or later (I’m never in a hurry with these things), if you are the later one, I will probably not feel any need to converse with you beyond some superficial, functional capacity, I simply wont find it interesting.

If you felt offended, triggered or somehow provoked by what I wrote and now feel angry at me and don’t think or feel that you have any part in it, that I made you angry, then you are in the later category. If you didn’t feel triggered or argumentative or at least are aware enough not to try to push it on me and identify yourself as a poor victim, then we are getting somewhere and there is a possibility of meeting.

Writing these things is always kind of an untruthful and low resolution expression of the whole energy and vibe behind it, but there I will ask you to feel into it instead of trying to put it together into a bundle of rigid concepts, and I promise you, I will be much more juicy and flowing, just as I feel while tapping the letters on the screen, you can tap into the same flow while reading this.

It is very rare indeed to meet someone in an open, real communication where fantastic wisdom and non-personal kind of joy makes the moment nourishing and rises the feeling of gratitude towards the other. You both feel uplifted and there is a sense of relief that something so true could be shared, not just the words, but the energetic meeting that enabled the words to come as they did with no resistance or processing. It's a very spontaneous experience where I find myself many times saying things that I didn't know I knew before it came out of my mouth with such knowingness that it made me realize that I've always known it.

Thanks for listening.